3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have post one night stand depression
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
