she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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