What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So many bounce houses so little time
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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