i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
