I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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