got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
