4 words: hood of his car
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
