I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
