Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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