Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
