Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
