the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
