this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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