Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
