i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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