I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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