i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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