Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
