i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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