i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
