you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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