Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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