Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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