the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
