I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
