my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
