Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
