you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize