I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
