will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
