I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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