Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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