i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
