Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
