I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
