She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
