your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
