Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Someone signed my nipple.
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