no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
