went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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