are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
and you fell through a lawn chair
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
