My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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