Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
