I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
