I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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