sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
