put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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