god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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