Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
