Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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