i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You are the jesus of drinking
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
